I'm going about my business. A man shouts "Cheer up/give us a smile!" and I ask, "WHY?"
Does my non-smiling face offend you? Am I reduced to scenery, scenery that should plaster a big grin on its sulky chops at all times so that if a gentleman happens to look my way he is not repulsed by the view? Or should I be so grateful that you noticed me and my emotional state that I should smile in thanks?
It's not just the fact that my face at rest is rather unfortunate (while thinking about nothing at all, my face tends to look like I've just found out my dog has been hung, drawn and quartered), it's also the fact that I might actually be pissed off and that's nothing to do with you Man In Car / Man On Street / Man Up Scaffolding. And it's not just the old cheer-up-it-might-never-happen, it's the leering, the shouting, the beeping.
Now don't give me any shady "You think a lot of yourself, don't you?" side eye. It happens to every female I know, and I'm genuinely interested in what people have to say about it.
Hollaback is getting a lot of press at the moment, a website that describes itself as "an international movement to end street harassment" and allows users to share stories and post pictures of the people doing the harassing. So is Slutwalk, which started out as a group of girls marching on Toronto's police headquarters after a police rep told college students that "women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimised".
During a heated Facebook status this week, a friend of a friend responded to a discussion about rape with this: "If a woman dresses provocatively, shall we call it, and a man is caught looking, and the woman doesn't find him attractive, then the man is a pervert and it's entirely his fault. If it's not there he can't look. It's not either sides fault completely, but I'm fed up of it always being blamed entirely on the male."
An Argentine journalist was recently sacked over an article in which he wrote that were he ever to meet the girl leading the Hollaback campaign, he imagined himself "telling her I would love to break her argument with my cock". The original copy posted on his blog, but deemed a step too far for the print version, read, "I would love to break her ass with my cock".
In this spirit, let me respond with my own cock - my angry cock of outrage if you will. Argument one: why would I dress up if I didn't want attention?
Yes, I wear things to make me look better, like heels or a minidress. I also use deodorant, wash my hair daily and brush my teeth. Are these for you too? Excuse me while I replace my wardrobe with binbags, grow out my 'tache, and you have a think about the impossibility of drawing a line when it comes to appearance.
Another: I'm complimenting you, you should appreciate it.
So how should I react? Even smiling runs the risk of opening up the communication channels and misrepresenting my level of interest. I'm not going to thank you for your shouted approval. But ignoring usually results in a barrage of insults about being a snotty bitch, and a notch up on the aggression. WINWIN.
Oh it's harmless, lighten up.
I doubt they're all the type who get a kick from scaring girls. But do they realise that at best, it's irritating and at worst, intimidating? Or perhaps they think I might come over and proffer my phone number? The answer is no, because they're not thinking at all. It just spurts out like an unstoppable disappointment of jizz, and I'm trapped into being grateful for the appreciation or risking confrontation.
If I'm feeling relatively safe, I ignore or occasionally shout obscenities while making rude hand gestures. If I'm scared, I give an embarrassed smile and hurry past, knowing that acknowledging won't antagonise the situation as much as fighting back or no reaction at all.
So the bottom line, for me, is this: I should not have to smile at men who make me feel uncomfortable. I just want to walk to the tube. Is that fair?
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